Student's Diaries: Kinjal's journey

I had a very primitive and simple understanding of life when I was young. It seemed whimsical, boring, and easy. However, the more atrocities life made me face, the more I understood its complexity and unpredictability. I am still learning to navigate through the jungles of chaos and instability but somehow, I found stability by changing my attitude.

After I lost my father, it was challenging to keep my family intact. Day by day, I felt the fabric of reality was disintegrating. The pressure to look after a family was hard for a 14-year-old.

But somehow I managed to mature and keep myself grounded. It was not something I achieved on my own. The smiles of my mother and my sister, every hug and every tear I shared with them sustained my motivation. My family and my friends, who have always been a constant in my life, pushed me to move forward. I have never been stagnant thanks to them.

Given my attachment to them, it was surely hard to leave them to study abroad.

I have never been ambitious in my life. Being intimidated by changes, I always seek comfort in the known. However, once I made the decision to study in a completely different country, I realized it was time for me to enter uncharted territory.

Moving to Canada is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. But this is something I had to do to chase my dream of becoming a Psychologist. And unsurprisingly, it is difficult.

Relying on a minimal budget and expenses, I had to sacrifice my happiness to meet my survival needs. For months, I went without eating out, buying snacks and clothes. Happiness seemed a luxury I could not afford and an illusion. For me, it seemed fictitious; a construct and something unrealistic.

Coupled with the fiscal constraints, the loneliness that accompanied living abroad did not make it easy for me. Living without a single soul who cares for you was hard. Crying every single day was a part of my routine. I struggled with maintaining emotional equilibrium and everything made me feel small. I felt lost and confused. This decision of coming to Canada seemed irreversible and I could not ask anyone for help. Everything will be fine, they told me but my pessimistic heart could not wrap my head around these words.

The immense pressure of achieving stellar grades to retain my scholarship every year and the financial boundaries made life worse. I felt claustrophobic in my room, someplace I considered my happy place back home.

Home became something I could never go back to. I could not call this place home.

There were too many responsibilities I was shouldering and the fatigue was slowly pushing me off the edge. However, if there is anything that life has taught me is being resilient.

My resilience helped me survive; it helped me plant my wounds with flowers. It helped me realize that I can do better every single day.

I tried the classic count your blessings. Remaining in touch with my friends and family sustained my motivation.
Focusing on my strengths was another thing I focused on to keep myself happy.

This was long ago. Three years in and I have never been better. I have met some wonderful people and made some lovely friends. Shopping for my happiness does not seem a distant luxury anymore.

I am happy where I am and the adverse experiences drove me to be here.

A history lesson I constantly come across is that obstacles strengthen you. Happiness may be transient, resilience is not.

I would like to end my thoughts with a quote I stick by.

"Sometimes life threw dirt at me. Sometimes it gave me flowers. But it's all a garden to me."

Kinjal